The First Step in how to Fall out of Love
They were your life, your world. Everything seems so gloomy now that they’re gone. In this article, we outline 7 steps in falling out of love. It’s a science, much like lots of other things. Even if you think you’ll never get over your ex or your friend, we assure you will.
It starts with clarifying to yourself why it didn’t work. You could make a list of the times they didn’t make you happy and the reasons. You’ll find a pattern emerging. Maybe he or she didn’t listen. Maybe they ignored your feelings. They were never around. When you see the pattern, it will be like a reality check.
The first step is very important because we all tend to romanticize the past. Sometimes we remember only the good things and we feel terrible that it’s over. Remember that the past is the past; it will never change. The only thing that will – and should – change is your perception of it.
Now that you’ve seen a pattern of negativity emerge, cut off all contact with the person. You’ll be tempted to try again if you don’t, and that will only lead to more pain and suffering for you (and maybe also for them). Taking distance is critical. Unfollow and unfriend them on social media. Don’t ask mutual friends about them. If a mutual friend is prying, take distance from them too. Tell friends you’d rather not talk about the breakup. They should get the message.
2. How to Fall out of Love With your ex: Love vs. Attachment
Learn to tell the difference between attachment and love. Attachment is different from love although it can feel just as strong. You can be attached just because you’ve gotten used to being with and around someone. A third factor is lust. Neither lust nor attachment lasts forever.
You’ll find your thoughts keep drifting back to your ex even though you are trying to put them out of your mind. If this happens, don’t fight your thoughts. Let them come and go. This is a good way to deal with any negative thought, not specifically related to an ex. It’s very hard when you actually want to cling onto the thought. Embrace the fact that allowing the thoughts to fade is the best way to move on. Eventually, you will.
3. How to Fall out of Love: Stop Overanalyzing
When someone has been rejected and hurt, in particular unexpectedly, it is hard to avoid overanalyzing what happened. We think that if we clarify it to ourselves, it will start to make sense and stop hurting as much. While this can be true, we sometimes can’t explain it and it hurts even more. What I’m saying is that you don’t need to find the reason for the breakup itself. There is never just one reason, especially if you were together for a long time. It just wasn’t meant to be. The negativity piled up. You weren’t a good match. It’s perfectly all right to take the time to mourn and let yourself be sad. Let yourself let them go.
4. How to Fall out of Love with Someone: What is Love?
Everyone has a different perception of what love is. Use your pain to modify it. Is it a combination of attraction, admiration, and respect? Or is it something else? When you lose love, you might have no ability or desire to recapture the feeling of it. You need to look for capacity and maturity, not mere infatuation. Yes, it will be hard to get over them. Perhaps you’ll never forgive or forget. They were a part of your life. Were is the key word here. Maybe what you two had was beautiful and worthwhile. You loved them, plain and simple. No matter how things ultimately transpire, you will have known love and that is valuable in itself. Accept it and move on. If you don’t, you’ll stay buried in heartache for a very long time.
Fifth Step in how to Fall out of Love with a Friend: Write a Letter
It’s even harder when the person is not only an ex, but was also one of your best friends. If this was the case with you, you could write them a letter without sending it. In the letter, lay out how you feel. It should have plenty of details. Explain why they made a bad decision when they rejected you and put it away.
6. Don’t Mope
With the overanalyzing comes the moping. If you’re sitting at home thinking about them all weekend, every weekend, the chances of moving forward are slim to none. You need to fall in love with something else, maybe someone else. Romantic love is just one kind of love in our lives. There is love for knowledge, for science, platonic love, love for a pet, for art, for a certain kind of sport, etc. When you experience one of these, you won’t need a significant other at any cost.
7. So how Long Does it Take to Fall out of love? Does It Matter?
It won’t take as long when you manage to channel your feelings into something greater than your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Fight to succeed despite your bad feelings. There are worse ways of coping than this. Understand that relationships are just one aspect of life. Their role is to help you grow by teaching you something. That person was an actor on the stage of your life, not the final scene.